I wanted to share something really exciting! I am always in the hunt for and always on the move and looking for tools to help people help themselves

People come to me with all sorts of different things in relation to fitness and food and how to really live big and I am always asking myself, "how can I help you more? What can I learn? What can I do to help people eat better, breathe better, live better, have more healthy relationships and maybe have less stress.

I came across a tool last night while I was reading and I wanted to share it because I was so excited about it. It was talking about using reinforcement and self encouragement for how to help you keep going in pursuit of a change you need to make.

It doesn't matter if the change is the way you deal with your food, or if you are smoking or if there is a drug addiction in there or if there is some sort of unhealthy relationship -- what you say to yourself is more important than anything someone on the outside can say to you. 

Self-Reinforcement Works Better than Self-Punishment

In Changing To Thrive James and Janice Prochaska described the study done in 1971 by B.F. Skinner which looked at punishment and reinforcement. It found that the most important thing was the reinforcement from yourself. More important, in fact, than any other outside influence or commentary. 

Why? 

People outside of you might forget to encourage you or help you or praise you. They might be dealing with their own stuff so they might not be in the head space to do those things you need them to do. 

Self-Encouragement Inspires Encouragement in Others

The good news? If you can be in the space of encouraging yourself, that is so much more important and so much more effective in helping you cause that lasting change you want to make.

As I was reading this (and geeking out about it) I was wondering how I would describe this or teach it to a client or an audience? What would I say? 

When I taught my kids to ride their bikes, they were borrowing confidence from me that they could. And I was saying things to them as they were going along like, "You can do it", "keep going", "just keep trying", "try one more time",  "you are doing awesome", "you are doing a great job", and "that was a great choice".

You can say those same things, WE can say those same things to ourselves. As we go along and we are trying to change a behavior or get through something difficult or trying to create something new in our lives, we can say "hey you are doing great, you made a great choice right there, that was a great way to handle that".

Use Internal Conversations to Self-Coach

We can have that internal conversation, that internal dialogue just as if someone was saying it to us, but what is more important is that we are saying it to ourselves. 

And that right there is so, so important when we are trying to create something better or uplevel our lives or live happier. 

If you have a hard time saying something nice to yourself (which some of us do) imagine you are saying those encouraging things to your smaller self -- with tenderness and kindness like you would speak to your kiddo. 

That tender encouragement -- versus the constant barrage of "you didn't do it well enough" -- which you would never say to your child because it would make them cry -- and you would not intentionally make them sad -- do the same thing for yourself! 

Internal Dialogue Challenge

Speak to yourself with love and tenderness and kindness and have that internal dialogue where you are constantly reinforcing your good behavior and picking up on good things you are doing for yourself.

I challenge you to try this on -- just for 24 hours and see if it sticks for you. See if it lands for you. See if it changes something for you. 

I would love to hear about your experience so please drop me a comment, or send me a message.

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